We strive to have standards that bring a safe and healthy environment for all to participate in. The goal of our programs is to see the kids and teens grow in their relationship with God and one another. 1 Corinthians 13:1-7 describes this well: Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. We will involve the campers in setting the standards for behavior. We will be a great help to them by expecting the best from them and blessing them often.
Main Behavioral Standards Points
- Campers are encouraged to seek positive attention from leaders and from their peers.
- The expectations we have for the campers are understood. We discuss the expectations when we first meet. We trust that they are able to meet these standards. Personal encouragement will help them remember the rules and strive to focus on the right things.
- Children & teens need to understand that others see their actions. Often the things that they do will either encourage or discourage others from doing the right thing. They often have high standards for others but not for themselves.
- We want the campers to be ready to hear what God is saying to them and to others. We desire to see them mature quickly in things of God. Those who have Jesus as their Savior are living proof that Jesus has conquered sin and is now raised from the dead. That’s what the Bible tell us. It is good for them to have a high standard for their lives.
- Violence, destructive behavior and coarse/vulgar language are not acceptable. These situations need to be dealt with immediately, consistently, calmly and lovingly.
Consequences and Alternatives
The number one fear of cabin leaders is handling discipline situations well. We want the campers to have the opportunity to get the most out of the camp program, especially chapels and devo times. We also want to share the truth with those that have never heard the Good News and show patience to those who have had different behavioural standards than we are used to. Campers need to know that there is a consequence to misbehaviour. Usually that involves missing a part of an activity or times with the other campers until they are ready to rejoin the program. It also means that we need to have high standards for ourselves, looking to Christ for our example and strength in all things. The campers will be repelled by hypocrisy. They are always watching and listening.
DiscipIine GuideIines for Volunteers
"My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines those he loves, and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son." Proverbs 3:7 7-72; Hebrews 72:5-6
The foundations of discipline are:
- Love
- Prayer
- Positive words
- Positive touch
- Positive rewards
What should we provide the campers with?
- Clear rules and boundaries:
Kids want to know where the boundaries are and, in general, want to earn our approval and trust. It is our duty to make sure that they understand what our expectations for them are. "There are rules . . . they are few and fair and made by the people who live there, including the campers." People tend to support what they help to create. Giving children a voice in the rules that affect them, even if they don't like them, makes it more likely they will go along to get along. Plus, as any seasoned disciplinarian will tell you, kids are often stricter with themselves than you would ever think of being. Ask for their help in setting rules for behaviours, activities, and free time. You might be surprised by what they come up with. Of course, some rules are going to be rules no matter what. Anything involving health and safety, for example, should be non-negotiable.
- Fair and consistent consequences:
Good parents have high expectations but also engage with their children. They hold their children accountable for their actions but also know their main role is to guide them in making mature decisions.
- Treating every person as an individual
By knowing your campers and their personalities, traits,and habits, you can better understand any given child's motivation for certain behaviors and anticipate in which situations or under what circumstances he or she might be inclined to act in a way contrary to your wishes and expectations.
- Consistency in our actions with them and with other staff
It will be your actions that most directly impacts their behaviour. If you apologize for your mistakes they will be more likely to follow your rules. If you ignore their misbehaviour, you are not being kind, only confusing them, and it will only get worse.
What are my responsibilities?
- Be responsible for the children and youth you are put in charge of. Know who they are, where they are and what they are doing
- Remind them of the rules.
- Sit in-between those who are disruptive at events.
- Give them appropriate consequences for their actions.
- Make sure to ask them why they are misbehaving. Are they happy at camp? Are they scared about something? Discipline often becomes an opportunity to minister to deeper hurts in a camper’s life.
- Talk to the Head Cabin Leader for assistance. They will speak with them privately or involve the Director if necessary.
- Anything can happen...be prayerful...seek discernment and wisdom…He knows and loves the campers more than we ever can
- When we as leaders mess up, we need to ask for forgiveness and admit what we did was wrong.
Resolving conflicts...
Conflict is a part of all human relationships. It is not, by itself, an inherently negative thing. Conflict helps us to understand others' points of view and to ultimately collaborate for the benefit of all. Thus, it's not so much the conflict that is important but rather the steps we take to resolve it.
Conflict resolution is essential. Problems left unaddressed tend to grow rather than diminish or disappear. Whether conflicts are between counselors, between campers, or between campers and counselors, they are important to understand and resolve.
Here are some important things to remember when trying to effectively resolve conflicts.
- Resolving conflict is not about picking winners and losers. The resolution should contain something of benefit for each party. You are not taking sides. (no matter how much they want you to!)
- It is generally counterproductive to bring into the conversation old, or other, conflicts between the parties. Stick with the current conflict.
- Encourage campers to use "I statements" as opposed to "You statements" and model this approach. "You" statements are accusatory and often prompt defensiveness ("You took my clothes without asking"), whereas "I statements" are irrefutable because they reflect one's own feelings or thoughts ("I get upset when I can't find my things, especially my special clothes"). Try to teach your campers to express how they feel in times of conflict instead of simply placing blame somewhere.
- Inject humor if you need to lighten the mood. Appropriate levity can go a long way toward easing tensions and reminding the parties of the bond of friendship.
- Take a break if no progress is being made. Sometimes the conflict can't be easily resolved or may even appear to be getting worse. Feel free to impose some chill-out time before resuming discussions. Let kids go for a walk in the camp to blow off some steam and think. Their emotions are immature and they have little experience in dealing with conflict and frustration well on their own.
....when consequences are called for
My experience has been that appropriate and effective punishments are usually those that have been decided ahead of time and have been determined to be logical and reasonable (the punishment fits the crime) and safe (meaning no punishment should ever place a child or teen in physical or psychological jeopardy). Punishing children by denying them attention or love or because we are angry with them is never right. This is not discipline. While all of us may be driven to distraction by a camper at one time or another, we are well advised to be careful in our reactions, because otherwise we may produce a situation that is far worse than the initial infraction.
The Truth about Lying
Most codes of conduct or ethics include a mention of honesty. Indeed, kids themselves readily identify honesty as a "value" they personally find important. One study on the subject, "Learning to Lie," found that 98 percent of teens said that trust and honesty were essential in a personal relationship. Yet in the same study researchers found that the same number, 98 percent, lie to their parents. Few of them sensed a contradiction. But lying doesn't begin in the teenage years. By their fourth birthday, almost all kids will begin lying to avoid getting in trouble. That remains a primary motivation for lying throughout childhood and adolescence. Other reasons to lie include to get along better with others, to exert independence and gain control, or to get attention. We need to teach them that there is no respect without trust and no trust without truthfulness.. Children and teens need help to connect the dots between values, honesty, integrity, and relationships. They need to hear loud and clear that character does count.
What we would like you to do...
- Involve your Head Cabin Leader as soon as possible. We can help, really!
- Pray for your campers without ceasing. So often we miss spiritual opportunities because we are caught up in dealing with behaviour
- Enjoy the campers! Build up positive experiences so they will listen to you when you have to correct them
- Be ready to re-direct or distract kids when they are getting worked up. Or give them a chance to do something quiet and alone.
- Give praise when they do well. Everyone likes to be acknowledged.
- If they are testing you, keep on doing what you are doing. Stand firm. Remember, it is a con game. If you have confidence that things are going to go a certain way, it is easier for them to go along.
We do not expect or want you to...
- Yell at anybody.
- Threaten a camper with sending them home. ONLY the Director can make that decision
- Force the camper complete some punishment you assign. If the camper doesn’t “buy into” it, it will not work
- Lose your temper and respond out of anger rather than love.
- Embarrass a camper in front of their friends. Typically discipline works best with one on one conversation.
- Let bad behavior continue because the child comes from a rough background or your discipline efforts are not working. Don’t give up. Ministry is messy, but every child is worth the effort